Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare

We rationalize, minimize, and even deny abuse due to cognitive dissonance, attempting to uphold our original beliefs about the abuser being a kind, loving, and affectionate person.

Our strengths – the ones that narcissists often convince us are weaknesses – are the very things that can save us from narcissists.

Knowledge is power, but until you break the trauma repetition cycle and heal your subconscious wounds, you can still be prone to gravitating towards narcissists.

Reverse discourse is all about interrupting your usual thought patterns, taking back control over the language being wielded against you, and reframing words to serve your healing journey.

It is okay to have these feelings. I honor them but I don't act upon them.

Psychoeducation is essential to lower the cognitive dissonance so common in narcissistic abuse survivors.

Recovery from an abusive relationship can be very similar to withdrawal from drug addiction due to the biochemical bonds we may develop with our toxic ex-partners.

A child that's being abused by its parents doesn't stop loving its parents, it stops loving itself.

Indifference means there's no power, no reaction, no ability to ruin someone's life or their day – the victim moves forward without a second glance, and that kills them inside.

No Contact is the key that locks out that person from ever entering our heart, mind, and spirit in any palpable way again.

My silence does not mean my endorsement of your cruelty nor my defeat. My silence often speaks more volumes than my wasted energy.

The moment we are actually ready for healthy, nourishing love is the moment when we stop looking for that healthy relationship with another person and start looking for a healthy relationship with ourselves.

Healing from narcissistic abuse is healing from a lifetime of traumas.

Our life events don't define us; our interpretation of them does.

We do not fall for the narcissist – we fall for the person they pretend to be.

Beautiful, strong, intelligent, successful, confident, and wonderful people from all backgrounds can be subjected to abuse, and no one is immune to the effects of trauma.

You cannot change or control the pathology of the other person, but you can make positive changes in your own life.

At the end of the day, you have to save yourself – over and over again, no matter what. You and your story are needed. You are worthy. You are strong. You are extraordinary.

Abuse is never about the victim; it is always about the abuser's own pathology.

Telling an abuse victim, especially a victim who has complex PTSD and a history of abuse, to 'let it go,' is quite frankly, one of the most selfish and ignorant things you can do.

Trauma tends to stay 'frozen' in our brain... so for those who think abuse survivors can simply 'logically' process their situation and get out... think again.

Real break-ups with abusers like this take time, effort, strength, resources, support, empowerment – they take everything you’ve got and more.

Abuse creates complex bonds between survivor and perpetrator that are difficult to break; it also causes a great deal of cognitive dissonance as the survivor attempts to reconcile the brutal reality of the abuse with the person they once loved.

Narcissistic abuse creates an environment of fear, shame and control… [leaving] victims constantly walking on eggshells.

Victims become hopelessly addicted to any perceived gain, no matter how small.

Trauma shuts down executive functioning associated with the frontal lobes of the brain.

Healing subconscious programming and addictive or self-sabotaging behaviors during the period of recovery... is essential for breaking free from patterns that attract toxic dynamics.

The journey to healing is never really over, but that is the exciting thing about life after narcissistic abuse. You get to heal in so many different ways.

Rather than narrating the same old story that we are not capable, we may instead choose an alternative tale which recalls the multiple times we’ve survived and thrived through horrific circumstances.

Regaining control over how you define yourself and the language you use to reframe your reality makes toxic people begin to lose their power, and you begin to regain your own.

We must validate our reality as opposed to the one the abuser has created and distorted for us through gaslighting and projection.

Nobody is too ‘cute,’ too ‘smart,’ too ‘wise,’ too strong, too anything to be a victim of abuse.

Nature is a healing balm to a hurting soul, a powerful portal to more healing that is often overlooked and underestimated.

A validating therapist…will empathize with your pain, validate the abuse, and gently guide the victim towards self-compassion, which…is at the root of true change.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness or powerlessness – it’s a sign of immense power.

Today, when I recognize an emotional flashback, I show compassion for myself. I give love to that little girl that was traumatized so severely.

We have to resolve to kick ass and build our own emotional, spiritual, and intellectual resilience. We must rewrite our own narratives and recognize how extraordinary and unique we truly are.

Think of healing from narcissistic abuse as healing from a lifetime of traumas.