Crucial Conversations

Don't expect perfection; aim for progress. And when you succeed, celebrate your success… when the chance arises, help others do the same.

Those who are good at dialogue … understate their views out of fear of hurting others. They talk, but they sugarcoat their message. The best at dialogue speak their minds completely and do it in a way that makes it safe for others to hear what they have to say... They are both totally frank and completely respectful.

Respect is like air. If you take it away, it's all people can think about. The instant people perceive disrespect in a conversation, the interaction is no longer about the original purpose - it is now about defending dignity.

If you make it safe enough, you can talk about almost anything and people will listen. If you don't fear that you're being attacked or humiliated, you yourself can hear almost anything and not become defensive.

As much as others may need to change, or we may want them to change, the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape - with any degree of success - is the person in the mirror.

Sometimes we rely on hints, sarcasm, innuendo, and looks of disgust to make our points. We play the martyr and then pretend we're actually trying to help. Afraid to confront an individual, we blame an entire team for a problem-hoping the message will hit the right target. We withhold meaning from the pool. We go to silence.

Crucial conversations: 1. Opinions vary. 2. Stakes are high. 3. Emotions are strong.

What makes each of these conversations crucial - and not simply challenging, frustrating, frightening, or annoying - is that the results could have a huge impact on the quality of your life. In each case, some element of your daily routine could be forever altered for better or worse.