The Glass Castle

I swear, honey, there are times when I think you're the only one around who still has faith in me, he said. I don't know what I'd do if you ever lost it. I told him that I would never lose faith in him. And I promised myself I never would.

I decided I wanted to be one of the people who knew what was really going on. When my work was done, I read the stories on the wire services. Because we never subscribed to newspapers or magazines, I'd never known what was going on in the world, except for the skewed version of events we got from Mom and Dad.

I could hardly sleep that night. Neither could Brian. From time to time, he'd break the silence by announcing that in seven hours I'd be leaving Welch, in six hours I'd be leaving Welch, and we'd both start cracking up. I fell asleep only to be woken at first light by Brian, who, like Mom, wasn't an early riser. He was tugging at my arm. 'No more joking about it,' he said. 'In two hours, you'll be gone.'

We were sort of like the cactus. We ate irregularly, and when we did, we'd gorge ourselves.

I lived in a world that at any moment could erupt into fire. It was the sort of knowledge that kept you on your toes.

We gave them a little extra time on the planet," Mom said. "They should be grateful for that.

You just have to claim it before anyone else does, like that dago fellow Columbus claimed America for Queen Isabella. Claiming a star as your own has every bit as much logic to it.

What kind of fools would go waste money on store-bought tables when they can have these for free?" Dad said as he pounded the tops of the spools to show us how sturdy they were.

Most pianists never get the chance to play in the great out-of-doors," she said. "And now the whole neighborhood can enjoy the music, too.

Whoever coined the phrase 'a man's got to play the hand that was dealt him' was most certainly one piss-poor bluffer," Dad said.

Despite Mom's salary, we didn't buy the class pictures that yearor even steal thembut that was probably just as well. Mom had read somewhere that mayonnaise was good for your hair, and the morning the photographer was coming to school, she slathered a few spoonfuls on mine.

While Dad liked it that Mom was bringing home a paycheck, he saw himself as the head of the household, and he maintained that the money should be turned over to him. It was his responsibility, he'd say, to handle the family finances.

I turned around and saw him standing there by the car, looking hurt and angry but not as tall as usual. I searched my mind for a cutting comeback, but since I didn't know what. 'rape' meant, all I could think to say was. 'Big deal!

Every damn thing in the universe can be broken down into smaller things, even atoms, even protons, so theoretically speaking, I guess you had a winning case. A collection of things should be considered one thing. Unfortunately, theory don't always carry the day.

It was your inner spirit and not your outward appearance that mattered, she said, and come hymn time, she showed the whole congregation her spirit, belting out the words in such a powerful voice that people in the pews in front of us would turn around and stare.

Your father's the only one who can help himself," Mom said. "Only he knows how to fight his own demons.

God doesn't mind you bending the rules a little if you have a good reason. It's sort of like justifiable homicide. This is justifiable pilfering.

You know if it's humanly possible, I'll get it for you. And if it ain't humanly possible, I'll die trying.

It was as if they were so happy they hadn't killed each other that they had fallen in love all over again. I didn't feel like celebrating. After all he'd put himself through, I couldn't believe Dad had gone back to the booze.

Mom said that anyone critical of her driving could help with the task. Now that we had a car, she continued, we could leave the next morning.

She's just an old woman who's had a tough life, Mom said. They're all sort of weird, Lori said. We'll adapt, Mom said. Or move on, I thought.

Don't be afraid to be smarter than they are.

Everyone has something good about them, you have to find the redeeming quality and love the person for that.

Situations like these, I realized, were what turned people into hypocrites.

You did wrong," he said, "and now we've all been banished." "This isn't exactly the Garden of Eden," Lori said.

It's not exactly palatial, so there's going to be a lot of togetherness," Mom said. "And it's on the rustic side." "How rustic?" Lori asked. Mom paused. I could see her debating how to phrase her answer. "It doesn't have indoor plumbing," she said.

Life's too short to worry about what other people think," Mom said. "Anyway, they should accept us for who we are.

We can take care of our own," Mom and Dad liked to say. "We don't accept handouts from anyone.

You did good on that bird," Ginnie Sue told me. "You strike me as the kind of girl who's one day going to be eating roast chicken and those on-fire desserts just as much as you want.

You'll never make a fortune working for the boss man," he said. He was focused on striking it rich.

Mom said we should be thankful because we had it better than pioneers, who didn't have modern conveniences like window glass and cast-iron stoves.

Just remember," Mom said after examining the blisters. "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

For the daughter of the town drunk, you sure got big plans," he said.

If you don't think you're hurt, then you aren't. So many women make such a big deal out of these things. But you're stronger than that.

That's true, but it could also improve my self-esteem. And at times like these, self-esteem is even more vital than food.

You can be hungry every now and then, but once you eat, you're okay. And you can get cold for a while, but you always warm up. Once you go on welfare, it changes you. Even if you get off welfare, you never escape the stigma that you were a charity case. You're scarred for life.

Those braces are a goddamn feat of engineering genius," he said. "You take after your old man." He took my chin and pulled my mouth open. "And I think they're by God working.

Mom could be as wise as a philosopher, but her moods were getting on my nerves. At times she'd be happy for days on end, announcing that she had decided to think only positive thoughts, because if you think positive thoughts, then positive things will happen to you.

It was hard for me to believe that this woman with her head under the blankets, feeling sorry for herself and boohooing like a five-year-old, was my mother.

I figured I was strong enough to keep Dad in line. When Mom told me I was so focused it was scary, I know she didn't mean it as a compliment, but I took it that way.

I had always wanted a watch. Unlike diamonds, watches were practical. They were for people on the run, people with appointments to keep and schedules to meet. That was the kind of person I wanted to be.

If you want to be treated like a mother," I said, "you should act like one.

I'd had my last whipping. No one was ever going to do that to me again. The second was that, like Lori, I was going to get out of Welch. The sooner, the better.

I'm only telling you this because I love you," he said. "And I don't want to see you hurt.

What I loved most about calling myself a reporter was that it gave me an excuse to show up anyplace. Since I'd never made a lot of friends in Welch, I hardly ever went to the school's football games or dances or rallies. I felt awkward sitting by myself when everyone else was with friends. But when I was working for the Wave, I had a reason to be there.

When he finished talking, the applause about shattered the glass in the windows. I climbed up on the stage before the students filed out. 'Mr. Yeager,' I said, holding out my hand. 'I'm Jeannette Walls with The Maroon Wave.'

New Yorkers, I figured, just pretended to be unfriendly.

I think that maybe sometimes people get the lives they want.

It wouldn't do any good, she said, and besides, dropping out would break Dad's heart. He was immensely proud that he had a daughter in college, and an Ivy League college at that.

'That land's been in the family for generations,' Mom said, 'and it's staying in the family. You never sell land like that.'

'I've always believed in the value of a good education,' she said. So, when I enrolled for my final year at Barnard, I paid what I owed on my tuition with Dad's wadded, crumpled bills.

My father taught me you never sell land. That's why we have to buy Uncle Jim's land. We have to keep it in the family.

Life with your father was never boring.