Sip on Ideas, Digest Infinite Possibilities
Instead of praise or reward, a better way to arouse real goodwill in children is for parents to talk about how they feel when their children do a good deed such as touched or happy and at the same time ask children feel on their own. Gradually, children will realize that they are valuable, they do good things because they feel comfortable and happy themselves, not because of praise or recognition of others.
Inferiority and Superiority Complexes
The book delves into the concepts of inferiority and superiority complexes, explaining how they are interconnected. The philosopher states, 'The one who boasts does so only out of a feeling of inferiority.' Those who appear arrogant or boastful are often compensating for deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. For example, someone who constantly brags about their achievements may actually lack confidence and use their past glories to feel superior.
The Denial of Trauma
A revolutionary aspect of Adlerian psychology is the denial of trauma as a determinant of present behavior. The philosopher explains, 'We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences—the so-called trauma—but instead we make out of them whatever suits our purposes.' This idea challenges the Freudian notion of trauma and determinism, arguing instead that individuals have the power to change their lives by focusing on their goals rather than their past.
When one is tied to the desire for recognition, the interpersonal relationship cards will always stay in the hands of other people.
It is precisely because one can gain the courage to enter into deeper relationships by having confidence in others that the joy of one’s interpersonal relations can grow, and one’s joy in life can grow, too.
Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage.
Separation of Tasks
A central concept in Adlerian psychology, the separation of tasks emphasizes distinguishing between one's own responsibilities and those of others. This approach helps reduce stress and conflict in interpersonal relationships. The philosopher explains, 'Calmly delineate up to what point one’s own tasks go, and from what point they become another person’s tasks.' For example, a parent should recognize that their child's academic success is ultimately the child's responsibility, not theirs.
The Courage to Be Disliked
True freedom involves the courage to be disliked by others. This notion challenges the common desire for universal approval and recognition. The philosopher asserts, 'The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked.' Living authentically according to one's principles, even at the cost of being disliked, is the essence of freedom. This idea encourages individuals to prioritize their own values and goals over the need for external validation.
Life as a Series of Moments
The book shifts the perspective on life from a linear journey with a clear destination to a series of moments lived in the present. The philosopher explains, 'Life is a series of moments, which one lives as if one were dancing, right now, around and around each passing instant.' This viewpoint emphasizes the importance of living earnestly in the present rather than constantly striving for future goals or dwelling on the past.
Avoiding Power Struggles
The book emphasizes the importance of not engaging in power struggles, as they often lead to a cycle of conflict and revenge. The philosopher advises, 'No matter what the provocation, you must not get taken in.' Instead, one should step down from the conflict and avoid reacting to provocation. This approach helps prevent the escalation of disputes into ongoing power struggles.
Focus on Your Own Tasks
Identify what responsibilities are truly yours and concentrate on fulfilling them. Avoid taking on tasks that belong to others, as this can lead to unnecessary stress and conflict.
Live in the Present
Focus on the here and now rather than worrying about the past or future. Engage fully in your current activities and interactions to find fulfillment in each moment.
Embrace Dislike as a Sign of Authenticity
Understand that being disliked by some people is a natural consequence of living authentically. Use this as a measure of your commitment to your own values rather than a deterrent.
Engage in Meaningful Work
Choose work or activities that allow you to contribute positively to your community. This can be through your job, volunteer work, or even household responsibilities, as these contributions affirm your value and enhance your sense of belonging.
Recognize and Overcome Life-Lies
Reflect on the excuses you make to avoid responsibilities and interpersonal relationships. Acknowledge these as life-lies and muster the courage to confront and change them.
If other people are our comrades, and we live surrounded by them, we should be able to find in that life our own place of 'refuge.
People who are obsessed with such a desire for recognition will seem to be looking at other people, while they are actually looking only at themselves.
A way of living in which one is constantly troubled by how one is seen by others is a self-centered lifestyle in which one’s sole concern is with the 'I.
A sense of belonging is something that one acquires through one’s own efforts—it is not something one is endowed with at birth.
Once you know how big the world is, you will see that all the hardship you went through in school was a storm in a teacup.
In the act of praise, there is the aspect of it being 'the passing of judgment by a person of ability on a person of no ability.
Adlerian psychology refutes all manner of vertical relationships and proposes that all interpersonal relationships be horizontal relationships.
When one is not following through with one’s tasks, it is not because one is without ability. Adlerian psychology tells us that the issue here is not one of ability but simply that 'one has lost the courage to face one’s tasks.
It is only when a person is able to feel that he has worth that he can possess courage.
If you are building even one vertical relationship with someone, before you even notice what is happening, you will be treating all your interpersonal relations as vertical.
Accept what is irreplaceable. Accept 'this me' just as it is. And have the courage to change what one can change.
It is doing without any set conditions whatsoever when believing in others.
We cannot discard the receptacle that is the 'I,' and neither can we replace it. The important thing, however, is 'what use one makes of that equipment.
You did not fly into a rage and then start shouting. It is solely that you got angry so that you could shout.
People are not driven by past causes but move toward goals that they themselves set.
You are unable to change only because you are making the decision not to.
The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment.
Community Feeling and Contribution
Adlerian psychology emphasizes the importance of feeling connected and useful within a community. The philosopher explains, 'We are truly aware of our own worth only when we feel that our existence and behavior are beneficial to the community.' Contribution to others is necessary to truly feel a sense of belonging and worth. For instance, engaging in household chores can provide a sense of joy and worth by contributing positively to the family environment.
You are unhappy not because of your past, circumstances, or your incompetence, but because you actively choose unhappiness and you lack the courage to step out of your comfort zone and aim for a better future. better life.
Understanding your own worth helps you gain confidence without others having to admit it, and you will no longer compare yourself to the common standards of society or to what others have. From then on, you live freely, calmly with your own beliefs and values without paying attention to eyes or comments from the outside, you will always keep a comfortable mind, avoid being exhausted in the process. all circumstances.
We need to be the ones to actively give trust, respect, and empathy to others first. You give good things, the universe will return the right things to you. On the contrary, if we always look at others with suspicious eyes, scrutinize, evaluate, accept, measure, and measure, then we will certainly never have a sincere relationship.
Past psychological trauma affects, but is not what determines a person's present and future life. What determines is the choice you make at the moment. You can only be happy when you live fully in the present moment without letting the worries of the past or the future affect you. You can only be completely happy when you live with a clear goal & are always in a state of continuous action towards the goal, right now.
How to keep faith in yourself?It is a clear awareness that you have your own worth, you can do all the things you want to do if you pay attention and try your best. Your values are unique and they are equal to all people.
The important thing is not what one is born with, but what use one makes of that equipment.
You were so afraid of interpersonal relationships that you came to dislike yourself. You’ve avoided interpersonal relationships by disliking yourself.
Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live.
Perspective 2There is no such thing as an adult who cannot control their anger, but in fact they want to use anger to suppress others. According to Adler's psychological foundation, saying that we can't control our emotions when we do or say hurtful things to others is really just blaming and avoiding responsibility. We absolutely can, but we already intentionally want to use that anger to suppress & make others do what we want.
No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on. That you, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life.
