The Happiness Trap

The more effort we put into this STRUGGLE, the more difficult thoughts and feelings we create.

Struggle strategies, when used excessively or inappropriately, have significant long-term costs.

To increase our happiness, we try hard to avoid or get rid of unwanted thoughts and feelings—but paradoxically, this struggle only pulls us deeper into the ‘happiness trap.

We don’t let them push us around, nor do we invest our precious energy and attention in fighting with or trying to get away from them.

Dropping anchor won’t get rid of the storm, but it will hold the boat steady until the storm passes.

When we notice and name our difficult thoughts and feelings, it reduces their effect on our behavior.

Negative thoughts are never, in and of themselves, harmful or bad for you... It’s only when we respond to them in OBEY mode that problems occur.

You can’t simply get rid of [unwanted thoughts]. There is no delete button in the brain.

When your mind is saying all those unhelpful things to you… it’s actually trying to help.

Truthful or not, our thoughts are nothing more or less than words.

If I use this thought for guidance, will it help me to be the sort of person I want to be?

The aim is not to get rid of unpleasant thoughts but rather to see them for what they are—simply words—and drop the struggle with them.

Unhooking isn’t about getting rid of thoughts. It’s about seeing them for what they really are and making peace with them.

Knowing they are basically 'words and pictures inside our head,' we can treat them like background noise—let them come and stay and go in their own good time, without giving them much attention.

When we clarify what we stand for in life and start acting accordingly—behaving like the sort of person we really want to be, doing the things that matter deep in our hearts—then our lives become infused with meaning and purpose.

The greater our ability to unhook ourselves from difficult thoughts and feelings—and do toward moves instead—the better life gets: our suffering lessens, and our well-being increases.

Values are your heart’s deepest desires for how you want to behave as a human being; how you want to treat yourself, others, and the world around you.

Chase Meaning, not Happiness… Meaning can give you a direction and motivation that transcends momentary feelings of pleasure.

Our emotions, feelings, and sensations are like the weather: continually changing from moment to moment. We don’t expect it to be warm and sunny all day long, all year round. Nor should we expect to be happy all the time.

We are all hardwired to suffer psychologically: to compare, evaluate, and criticize ourselves; to focus on what we’re lacking; and to imagine all sorts of frightening scenarios, most of which will never happen.