Russ Harris

The more effort we put into this STRUGGLE, the more difficult thoughts and feelings we create.

Struggle strategies, when used excessively or inappropriately, have significant long-term costs.

To increase our happiness, we try hard to avoid or get rid of unwanted thoughts and feelings—but paradoxically, this struggle only pulls us deeper into the ‘happiness trap.

We don’t let them push us around, nor do we invest our precious energy and attention in fighting with or trying to get away from them.

Dropping anchor won’t get rid of the storm, but it will hold the boat steady until the storm passes.

When we notice and name our difficult thoughts and feelings, it reduces their effect on our behavior.

Negative thoughts are never, in and of themselves, harmful or bad for you... It’s only when we respond to them in OBEY mode that problems occur.

You can’t simply get rid of [unwanted thoughts]. There is no delete button in the brain.

When your mind is saying all those unhelpful things to you… it’s actually trying to help.

Truthful or not, our thoughts are nothing more or less than words.

If I use this thought for guidance, will it help me to be the sort of person I want to be?

The aim is not to get rid of unpleasant thoughts but rather to see them for what they are—simply words—and drop the struggle with them.

Unhooking isn’t about getting rid of thoughts. It’s about seeing them for what they really are and making peace with them.

Knowing they are basically 'words and pictures inside our head,' we can treat them like background noise—let them come and stay and go in their own good time, without giving them much attention.

When we clarify what we stand for in life and start acting accordingly—behaving like the sort of person we really want to be, doing the things that matter deep in our hearts—then our lives become infused with meaning and purpose.

The greater our ability to unhook ourselves from difficult thoughts and feelings—and do toward moves instead—the better life gets: our suffering lessens, and our well-being increases.

Values are your heart’s deepest desires for how you want to behave as a human being; how you want to treat yourself, others, and the world around you.

Happiness is Not a Constant State

Russ Harris challenges the common misconception that happiness is a natural, constant state. He argues that human emotions are inherently fluctuating, much like the weather, and that the pursuit of constant happiness can lead to greater suffering. The key phrase here is 'Embrace the full range of emotions.' Harris illustrates this with the idea that trying to cling to positive feelings or avoid negative ones creates a psychological trap. A relevant quote from the book is, 'If you’re not happy, you’re normal,' highlighting that experiencing a range of emotions is part of the human condition.

The Psychological Trap of Chasing Happiness

Harris introduces the concept of the 'happiness trap,' where the harder we pursue happiness and avoid discomfort, the more we suffer. This is rooted in our evolutionary hardwiring for survival, not happiness. The key phrase is 'Pursuit of happiness leads to suffering.' He explains that our natural tendencies to compare, seek more, and worry about threats often undermine long-term fulfillment. A quote that encapsulates this idea is, 'We are all hardwired to suffer psychologically: to compare, evaluate, and criticize ourselves.'

Living a Meaningful Life Over Feeling Good

Harris redefines happiness as living a rich and meaningful life, rather than seeking fleeting good feelings. The key phrase is 'Happiness is living by your values.' He emphasizes that true well-being comes from aligning actions with personal values, which provides a sense of purpose and fulfillment. A quote from the book that supports this is, 'When we clarify what we stand for in life and start acting accordingly, our lives become infused with meaning and purpose.'

The Power of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

The book is grounded in the principles of ACT, which teaches acceptance of one's thoughts and feelings and commitment to actions that align with personal values. The key phrase is 'Acceptance leads to freedom.' Harris uses practical examples, such as the 'drop anchor' technique, to show how accepting emotions can reduce their intensity and allow for more effective action. A relevant quote is, 'The aim is not to get rid of unpleasant thoughts but to see them for what they are—simply words—and drop the struggle with them.'

The Role of Mindfulness in Emotional Resilience

Mindfulness is presented as a crucial skill for managing emotions and staying present. The key phrase is 'Mindfulness as a life skill.' Harris explains that mindfulness helps in 'unhooking' from unhelpful thoughts and emotions, allowing individuals to focus on what truly matters. A quote that illustrates this is, 'The power to act exists only in this moment. The past has already happened, and the future doesn’t exist yet.'

Values Over Goals

Harris distinguishes between values and goals, emphasizing that values are enduring principles that guide behavior, while goals are temporary achievements. The key phrase is 'Values guide every step.' He argues that living by values ensures a consistent sense of purpose, even when goals are unmet. A quote that supports this idea is, 'Values are how you want to treat yourself, others, and the world around you—both now and in the future.'

The Importance of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is highlighted as a transformative tool for dealing with difficult emotions and situations. The key phrase is 'Kindness to self fosters resilience.' Harris explains that treating oneself with kindness and understanding, especially during tough times, can lead to greater emotional resilience and well-being. A relevant quote is, 'Self-compassion means we acknowledge our pain in a simple, kind, and honest way—just as we’d acknowledge the pain of a friend who was suffering.'

Shift Focus from Feeling Good to Living Meaningfully

Instead of chasing fleeting feelings of happiness, reflect on what truly matters to you. Identify your core values and focus on incorporating those into your daily actions.

Practice the 'Drop Anchor' Technique

When facing difficult emotions, use the ACE method: Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, Connect with your body, and Engage with the present moment.

Use Humor to Disarm Negative Thoughts

When negative thoughts arise, try setting them to a cheerful tune or imagining them in a cartoonish voice to reduce their intensity.

Set 'Live Person’s Goals'

Reframe goals to focus on proactive actions rather than avoidance. For example, instead of 'Stop procrastinating,' set a goal like 'Work on the project for 30 focused minutes daily.'

Practice Self-Compassion Daily

Engage in small acts of self-kindness, such as taking a walk or savoring a quiet moment, to build emotional resilience and well-being.

Chase Meaning, not Happiness… Meaning can give you a direction and motivation that transcends momentary feelings of pleasure.

Our emotions, feelings, and sensations are like the weather: continually changing from moment to moment. We don’t expect it to be warm and sunny all day long, all year round. Nor should we expect to be happy all the time.

We are all hardwired to suffer psychologically: to compare, evaluate, and criticize ourselves; to focus on what we’re lacking; and to imagine all sorts of frightening scenarios, most of which will never happen.

The more effort we put into this STRUGGLE, the more difficult thoughts and feelings we create.

Struggle strategies, when used excessively or inappropriately, have significant long-term costs.

To increase our happiness, we try hard to avoid or get rid of unwanted thoughts and feelings—but paradoxically, this struggle only pulls us deeper into the ‘happiness trap.

We don’t let them push us around, nor do we invest our precious energy and attention in fighting with or trying to get away from them.

Dropping anchor won’t get rid of the storm, but it will hold the boat steady until the storm passes.

When we notice and name our difficult thoughts and feelings, it reduces their effect on our behavior.

Negative thoughts are never, in and of themselves, harmful or bad for you... It’s only when we respond to them in OBEY mode that problems occur.

You can’t simply get rid of [unwanted thoughts]. There is no delete button in the brain.

When your mind is saying all those unhelpful things to you… it’s actually trying to help.

Truthful or not, our thoughts are nothing more or less than words.

If I use this thought for guidance, will it help me to be the sort of person I want to be?

The aim is not to get rid of unpleasant thoughts but rather to see them for what they are—simply words—and drop the struggle with them.

Unhooking isn’t about getting rid of thoughts. It’s about seeing them for what they really are and making peace with them.

Knowing they are basically 'words and pictures inside our head,' we can treat them like background noise—let them come and stay and go in their own good time, without giving them much attention.

When we clarify what we stand for in life and start acting accordingly—behaving like the sort of person we really want to be, doing the things that matter deep in our hearts—then our lives become infused with meaning and purpose.

The greater our ability to unhook ourselves from difficult thoughts and feelings—and do toward moves instead—the better life gets: our suffering lessens, and our well-being increases.

Values are your heart’s deepest desires for how you want to behave as a human being; how you want to treat yourself, others, and the world around you.

Chase Meaning, not Happiness… Meaning can give you a direction and motivation that transcends momentary feelings of pleasure.

Our emotions, feelings, and sensations are like the weather: continually changing from moment to moment. We don’t expect it to be warm and sunny all day long, all year round. Nor should we expect to be happy all the time.

We are all hardwired to suffer psychologically: to compare, evaluate, and criticize ourselves; to focus on what we’re lacking; and to imagine all sorts of frightening scenarios, most of which will never happen.