The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert

Rosaria Butterfield's 'The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert' is a compelling narrative that shares her unlikely journey from a staunch atheist and lesbian English professor to a committed Christian. Butterfield, a former professor of English and women's studies at Syracuse University, provides a raw, honest, and deeply reflective account of her conversion, challenging readers to think deeply about identity, community, and faith. Instead of presenting a polished tale of instantaneous transformation, Butterfield meticulously details her ongoing struggles and triumphs, resonating with anyone who has ever grappled with profound life changes. This book offers readers enriching insights into the power of humility, honest conversation, and community support in navigating personal transformation. Engaging with Butterfield's narrative can profoundly impact how one perceives faith, identity, and belonging, making it a must-read for those interested in the intersection of life and spirituality.

Key Ideas:

1. Power of Open Conversations: Rosaria Butterfield emphasizes the transformative potential of honest and respectful dialogue. Her spiritual journey began with a conversation initiated by Pastor Ken Smith, who invited her to explore faith questions over dinner. This respectful interaction allowed Butterfield to question her prejudices and opened her mind to new perspectives. 'Had a pastor named Ken Smith not shared the gospel with me for years and years...I might never have met the most unlikely of friends, Jesus Christ himself.'

2. Embracing Identity Struggles: Butterfield discusses the painful yet necessary process of re-evaluating one's identity when undergoing a significant transformation like conversion. Once identifying proudly as a lesbian and feminist scholar, her new faith compelled her to reassess and relinquish these identities. She speaks candidly about the turmoil involved: 'I often wonder: God, why pick me? I didn’t ask to be a Christian convert.' This journey illuminates the grueling yet essential process of forging a new identity aligned with one's evolving beliefs.

3. Importance of Community Support: The role of a supportive community is pivotal in Butterfield's conversion and continued spiritual growth. She leaned heavily on the counsel of the women in her church, who provided honest and candid guidance. 'There is no such thing as an independent Christian. Nobody goes into battle alone.' This illustrates how communal support facilitates personal transformation, offering the necessary guidance and encouragement during arduous times.

4. Continuous Repentance and Growth: Butterfield highlights that repentance and spiritual growth are ongoing processes, not one-time events. She shares, 'One doesn’t repent for a sin of identity in one session. Sins of identity have multiple dimensions.' This calls for continuous self-reflection and a commitment to addressing various facets of sin, supported by biblical teachings and community accountability.

5. Hospitality and Vulnerability: The book also underscores the importance of hospitality and vulnerability in forging meaningful connections. Ken and Floy Smith's sincere and open hospitality played a crucial role in Butterfield's journey. 'Ken made himself vulnerable to me in his prayer by humbling himself before this ‘God’ of his, and I took note of that.' Their willingness to be open and vulnerable created a safe space for genuine dialogue, leading to profound personal changes.

6. Adoption as a Christian Mission: Butterfield presents adoption through a theological lens, viewing it as a significant part of Christian mission. She explains, 'God is not crushing the dreams of parenthood when he deals the card of infertility. God is asking you to crush the idolatry of pregnancy.' Through her experiences, she highlights adoption's emotional complexities and its role in fulfilling God's broader mission for family and belonging.

7. Integrating Faith and Professional Life: Butterfield discusses the challenges and rewards of incorporating faith into her academic and professional life. Teaching at Geneva College allowed her to merge scholarly pursuits with Christian principles, creating meaningful connections. 'I knew that I was entering holy ground.' This balance led to a deeper sense of purpose, showing how faith can enrich professional endeavors.

Practical Tips:

1. Foster Meaningful Conversations: Engage in open and respectful dialogue with those who hold different beliefs. This can open minds and lead to mutual understanding, much like Butterfield’s interactions with Pastor Ken Smith.

2. Lean on Your Community: Actively seek support from a faith community. Participate in church activities and be open to receiving counsel and guidance, as Butterfield did with the women in her church.

3. Embrace Incremental Changes: Recognize that transformation is ongoing. Take small, deliberate steps towards your spiritual goals, allowing for gradual and authentic changes.

4. Practice Intentional Hospitality: Use hospitality to build deeper connections. Invite people into your home and create a welcoming atmosphere, fostering genuine interactions and shared humanity.

5. Integrate Faith into Daily Life: Weave spiritual principles into daily activities, whether through teaching, professional work, or personal interactions. Allow your faith to inform and enrich every aspect of your life.

Key Quotes:

• When Christ is at the center of our marriage, Kent’s headship and my submission has allowed us to be a functional team.

• Had a pastor named Ken Smith not shared the gospel with me for years and years...those questions might still be lodged in the crevices of my mind and I might never have met the most unlikely of friends, Jesus Christ himself.

• My life as I knew it became train wrecked in April of 1999, at the age of 36—just a few weeks shy of 37.

• Conversion is a heart-affair. Before we can come to Christ, we must empty ourselves of the false pride, blame-shifting, excuse-making, and self-deception that preoccupies our days and our relationships.

• There is no such thing as an independent Christian. Nobody goes into battle alone.

• No longer did I have to invent myself.

• Never doubt in the darkness what God has promised in the light.

• If God gave us a book of praise songs, who are we to add to them?

• My unsaved neighbor needed Jesus more than this college student needed to hurl a few well-rehearsed epithets about the evils of public schools.

• Adoption always combines ambiguous loss with unrequested gain.

• Children bring other children. The children in our home brought other children into our home.

• Pastor’s wives get the cream of the ministry, even as we sacrifice certain aspects of our personal, private, and family lives to have this.

• God is not crushing the dreams of parenthood when he deals the card of infertility. God is asking you to crush the idolatry of pregnancy, to be sure. And, he is saying: Dream My dreams, not yours!

• Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for her.

• When Christ is at the center, the distinct roles that we assume have allowed us to claim unity in Christian heritage... adoption into Christianity is the process by which we claim our heritage.