Trauma isn’t 'all in one’s head,' as some people supposed, but has a physiological basis.

Pain is pain. Suffering shouldn’t be ranked, because pain is not a contest.

It’s my contention—and it’s the bedrock thesis of this book—that interpersonal behavior is the difference-maker between being great and near-great, between getting the gold and settling for the bronze.

I’m challengin g you to be picky about things that might matter in twenty years, such as extreme differences in values or goals or personality —or whether you love each other. But the differences you’re sounding off about seem like everyday discrepancies that are part of any real relationship.

We all fool ourselves from time to time in order to keep our thoughts and beliefs consistent with what we have already done or decided

Man’s life is like a flowing river. What is there to fret over? On the river bank a willow tree . . .

It’s a basic reality that if you don’t experience the consequences of your actions, you’ll take less ownership of them. If you are a manager, make sure you structure incentives and penalties that encourage people to take full ownership of what they do and not just coast by.

You become undefeatable in the world by what you do when no one else is watching.

The principle is this: What is important to another person must be as important to you as the other person is to you. In other words, in your heart you essentially say, “My love for you is so great and our happiness is so entwined that I would not feel good if I got my way and you were unhappy—particularly when you feel so strongly about it.

Rejecting parents engage in a range of behaviors that make you wonder why they have a family in the first place. Whether their behavior is mild or severe, they don’t enjoy emotional intimacy and clearly don’t want to be bothered by children.