Self-betrayal occurs when we act against what we feel we should do for others, leading us to justify our actions by viewing others negatively. Bud's experience of ignoring his instinct to help his wife with their crying child exemplifies this. He begins to see her as lazy and inconsiderate, justifying his inaction. 'Having betrayed myself, we can imagine that I might’ve started to see my wife in that moment as lazy, inconsiderate, taking me for granted, insensitive.' This mechanism sustains self-betrayal by creating a narrative where we feel victimized and justified in our actions. | The Arbinger Institute | Leadership and Self-Deception

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Leadership

Self-Betrayal and Justification

Self-betrayal occurs when we act against what we feel we should do for others, leading us to justify our actions by viewing others negatively. Bud's experience of ignoring his instinct to help his wife with their crying child exemplifies this. He begins to see her as lazy and inconsiderate, justifying his inaction. 'Having betrayed myself, we can imagine that I might’ve started to see my wife in that moment as lazy, inconsiderate, taking me for granted, insensitive.' This mechanism sustains self-betrayal by creating a narrative where we feel victimized and justified in our actions.

-- The Arbinger Institute