Kids Do Well If They Can

This revolutionary philosophy transforms how we view challenging behavior by replacing the traditional assumption that 'kids do well if they want to' with the evidence-based understanding that children's concerning behaviors signal missing skills, not manipulation or defiance. Just as we wouldn't blame a child with dyslexia for struggling to read, Greene argues we shouldn't blame children who lack flexibility, frustration tolerance, and problem-solving skills for their explosive behaviors. When Jennifer explodes over frozen waffles, it's not about the waffles—it's about her inability to flexibly adapt when her rigid expectations are disrupted. As Greene states: 'Kids who exhibit concerning behaviors are compromised in the global skills of flexibility, adaptability, frustration tolerance, emotion regulation, and problem solving.' This paradigm shift moves us from asking 'What's wrong with this child?' to 'What skills is this child missing?' fundamentally changing our response from punishment to skill-building.