It's Not Supposed to Be This Way

In 'It's Not Supposed to Be This Way,' Lysa TerKeurst explores the profound disillusionment and pain that often accompany life's unexpected challenges. Drawing from her personal experiences and deep faith, TerKeurst provides readers with a roadmap to navigate through disappointment, suffering, and shattered dreams. She emphasizes the importance of trusting God's plan, even when it seems incomprehensible, and finding purpose in pain. TerKeurst, a renowned Christian author and speaker, uses her expertise to offer practical advice and spiritual insights that encourage readers to embrace vulnerability, surrender their burdens to God, and see their struggles as opportunities for growth. This book has resonated with many, offering hope and a sense of community to those facing difficult times. By reading this book, readers can gain a deeper understanding of how to cope with life's trials and find solace in their faith.

Key Ideas:

1. Embracing Disappointment as a Path to Growth: Lysa TerKeurst emphasizes that disappointment is not just a negative experience but a crucial opportunity for spiritual growth and deeper connection with God. She writes, 'Disappointment isn’t proof that God is withholding good things from us. Sometimes it’s His way of leading us Home.' By viewing disappointments as divine opportunities, readers are encouraged to develop resilience, trust, and faith. This perspective helps transform setbacks into stepping stones for personal and spiritual development.

2. The Necessity of Wrestling Between Faith and Feelings: The book highlights the constant struggle between our feelings and our faith, asserting that both perspectives are real and significant. Lysa explains, 'Sometimes to get your life back, you have to face the death of what you thought your life would look like.' This internal struggle, described as 'wrestling well,' is crucial. By acknowledging our emotions but allowing faith to guide us, we can navigate through life's disappointments and challenges more effectively.

3. Trusting God's Plan Through Trials: TerKeurst underscores the importance of trusting God’s timing and plans, even when they seem unclear or painful. She shares, 'If I want His promises, I have to trust His process.' Despite our desire for control, peace comes from relinquishing it to God and trusting that even disappointments could be divine appointments. This trust process involves believing that God uses even our most challenging times to pursue a deeper connection with us and bring about His greater purposes.

4. The Power of Surrender: Lysa reassures that God's expectation is not for us to achieve perfection but to exhibit perfect surrender to His ways and words. 'God isn’t expecting perfection. He just wants us perfectly surrendered to His way and His Word,' she writes. This surrender is about aligning one’s life with God’s truth and guidance rather than trying to meet an impossible standard of flawlessness. This approach aids in steering away from the temptations and deceptions of the enemy.

5. Facing and Disarming Fear: Lysa writes, 'What gives power to all that I fear others are thinking and accusing and saying isn’t the people themselves. It isn’t even the enemy. I’m the one who decides if their statements have power over me or not.' This insight underscores the notion that fear is not rooted in external opinions but in our internal responses to them. She emphasizes the importance of confronting and reducing the power of fear by actively addressing small fears, which translates to building resilience against larger anxieties.

6. Embracing Imperfection and Showing Compassion: Lysa discusses how in her suffering, creating art became a metaphor for life’s imperfections. 'I could see the imperfections in me and not deem myself worthless.' This idea centers on the importance of self-compassion and understanding that being 'not good enough' is a common attack from the enemy designed to paralyze us. Accepting our flaws allows us to extend greater compassion to ourselves and others, fostering connections and deepening our empathy.

7. Finding Purpose in Suffering: The narrative delves deeply into the idea of finding purpose in suffering. TerKeurst reflects on her own experiences, stating, 'These hard times, these devastating disappointments, these seasons of suffering are not for nothing. They will grow you. They will shape you.' This idea suggests that suffering, while painful, can lead to significant personal growth, empathy, and a greater capacity for compassion. The hardships we endure can be used to comfort and support others facing similar struggles, thereby giving our suffering a redemptive purpose.

Practical Tips:

1. Reduce Distractions: Cut down on activities, online engagements, and superficial conversations to make space for meaningful spiritual and personal activities. Surround yourself with uplifting influences like praise music and honest, supportive friends.

2. Address Your Fears Incrementally: Start tackling fear by focusing on small, manageable challenges. This approach builds confidence and resilience, making it easier to face larger anxieties over time.

3. Create with Compassion: Engage in creative activities without aiming for perfection. This practice can boost self-compassion and help you appreciate the beauty in imperfection. It also allows you to connect with others more deeply by letting go of the need for external validation.

4. Surrender Daily to God's Guidance: Focus not on being perfect but on aligning your actions and decisions with God's teachings each day. This means committing to follow His word and trust His plans, regardless of how difficult circumstances may appear.

5. Engage with Scripture Regularly: Make a habit of reading, reflecting on, and praying over biblical passages. This practice will help you discern truth from deception and equip you with God's wisdom to handle life's disappointments and trials.

Key Quotes:

• God isn’t ever going to forsake you, but He will go to great lengths to remake you.

• Dangerous desires birthed inside our unsettled disappointments are nothing but a setup for a takedown.

• Shattering and dust in our lives—when surrendered to the Lord can result in making our faith more genuine and bring about more praise, glory, and honor to God.

• God isn’t expecting perfection. He just wants us perfectly surrendered to His way and His Word.

• Truth is what I will build the foundation of my life upon! Yes, my heart belongs to the Lord and I fully trust in Him, even when my feelings beg me to doubt His goodness.

• Sometimes to get your life back, you have to face the death of what you thought your life would look like.

• Disappointment isn’t proof that God is withholding good things from us. Sometimes it’s His way of leading us Home.

• When you live slow for a season, the Son has access to the parts of you normally covered up by everyday put-ons.

• What gives power to all that I fear others are thinking and accusing and saying isn’t the people themselves. It isn’t even the enemy. I’m the one who decides if their statements have power over me or not.

• I could see the imperfections in me and not deem myself worthless.

• We must let God’s Word become the words of our story. I am deeply loved by God, even in my most naked form.

• The enemy wants us paralyzed and compromised by what-ifs, opinions, accusations, and misunderstandings.

• To dwell well in this life between two gardens requires us to make peace with being naked and unashamed.

• When we show up with compassion for others, our own disappointments won’t ring as hollow or sting with sorrow nearly as much.

• These hard times, these devastating disappointments, these seasons of suffering are not for nothing. They will grow you. They will shape you.