Traditional Discipline Makes Things Worse
Greene delivers a counterintuitive truth that challenges decades of parenting wisdom: standard disciplinary approaches—time-outs, sticker charts, consequences, and punishments—not only fail with explosive children but often escalate problems. Why? Because these methods assume the child has the skills but lacks motivation, when the opposite is true. As Greene notes: 'The vast majority of kids with concerning behaviors I've worked with over the years had already endured more than their fair share of consequences. If all those consequences were going to work, they would have worked a long time ago.' When Debbie reflects on eight years of failed interventions with Jennifer—'setting firmer limits, dutifully doling out happy faces, and administering a cornucopia of medicines'—she realizes these approaches failed because they were trying to motivate a child who already wanted to do well but lacked the skills. Punishing a child for lacking skills they don't possess creates a toxic cycle of failure and resentment.
